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Send any Jokes etc to p.mcguire@bell.ac.uk

Survival Cards Joke

The scoutmaster was teaching the scouts about survival in the desert.

'What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?' he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.

Then one young scout raised his hand.

'Yes Johnny, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?' asked the Scoutmaster.

Johnny replied, 'A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards.'

'Why's that Johnny?'

Johnny answered, 'The compass is to find the right direction and the water is to prevent dehydration...'

'And what about the deck of cards?' asked the scoutmaster.

'Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten!''

Sherlock Holmes Goes Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After they had settled in for the night,

Holmes nudged Watson awake and said "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".

Holmes then said, "And what does that tell you?"

Watson replied, "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have

roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view. That potentially trillions of planets

may be associated with such a galactic and stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution

throughout the cosmos, it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill

the universe. Also, being a theological believer, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another

suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant. And last, meteorologically the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow."

Watson continued, "Why? What does it tell you Mr. Holmes?"

Sherlock Holmes screamed out, "It's elementary my dear Watson! Someone stole our tent!"

How many Cub Scout Leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve! One to call a planning meeting, one to call everyone to find a date when everyone can get together, one to conduct the meeting, one to make an announcement about the planned light bulb changing, one to lead a song, one to write a skit about light bulbs, one to screw it in, two to do a run-on, one to lead a cheer for a job well done, one to bring refreshments, and one to buy patches for everyone who participated!

This site was last updated 05/03/05